Special Slacker Tips and Advice

on lying

In general,  lying is a bad practice and should be avoided except of course, if it involves getting out of work or shirking responsibility.  Among professional slackers it's widely practiced, strongly encouraged, and almost a form of art.  Always keep a mental list of excuses on-hand and when confronted with a situation, be very convincing.  In order deliver a convincing performance, just think of the work you'll get stuck with if your not successful.

on staying informed

Just because you're a slacker doesn't mean you have to appear as an unenlightened, slovenly, knuckle-dragging primate (to the naked eye anyway).

As a purist slacker however, you should read only the headlines and first few sentences of the news articles, to convey the illusion of enlightenment, should an unexpected intelligent conversation arise about current events. No sense cracking a sweat digesting mass quantities of information that will be irrelevant in no time.

In addition, be sure to check out our site daily for the latest film reviews and world news for little tid-bits of B.S.

For cryin out loud, use paper plates, cups, and plastic utensils for eating.  Who wants to wash anything after stuffing your face. 

use the microwave for cooking

Use the microwave at much as possible.  Who wants to scrub pots and pans.  Even foods that are "good for you" can be cooked in the microwave, although eating healthy should never be a criteria that supercedes slacking. For instance, take the potato.  Throw it in the microwave, 6 to 7 minutes each side, depending on your microwave, and you have an excellent meal.  When done throw some sour cream and bacon bits on top and your good to go. If you want to get fancy, throw some cheddar cheese on top and nuke the potato on MEDIUM for another minute or so and add bacon bits. 

on nutrition

If you have been following the slacker diet alluded to on this site you probably should consider taking vitamins.

Slackers can work out too.  Of course, don't bother committing yourself to going to the gym three to four times a week.  The probability is high, that you will never fulfill such a commitment.  Instead, set a goal of once a week.  When you go, make it a very casual, strain and stress free event.  In doing so, you will be more likely to go and maintain such a schedule.  A little exercise is better than no exercise.

Actually if you can't stand going to the gym, the latest research shows that taking 3 thirty minute walks a week can be very healthful.  You can take these walks during lunch or better yet, during the day on company time.

Don't bother.  Gift certificates are the way to go.  

at work

Do as little as possible and follow the guidelines set forth in the slackers creed.

on financial planning.

Stocks, over time, have the highest rate of return over any investment. But don't buy individual stocks. Too much risk and too much research effort. Instead, select a good mutual fund where the fund manager does all the work. In fact, a good fund to consider in the Vanguard 500 Index Fund. In fact, this fund is not even actively managed.  That means some computer program does all the work in managing it.  And guess what?  It outperformed most of the actively managed funds.  

Here are slacker tips when investing in a fund.

• Start early in life – no age is too early.
• Set up automatic monthly deposits into your account (dollar cost averaging).  Just start with a minimal amount.
• Never withdraw.
• Put more money in during a down market- like right now!!.

The initial efforts of this type of financial planning are minimal but the net results will allow you to slack with style.