Local Slacker Embarks on Time Travel Journey

In light of recent warnings of suicide bombings, summer shark attacks, and global warming, local slacker Brandon Merryweather, 26, has decided to travel ahead in time to an age when such dangers do not exist.  According to reports, Merryweather’s complicated time travel method involves getting really wasted and sleeping through the current crisis.

“All this shit on the news was seriously freaking me out,” said Merryweather, enjoying his sixth shot of Southern Comfort while watching the Fox News Network.  “So I figured, instead of having to worry about all this crap, why not just travel through time to a utopian future where these things aren’t a problem?”  The time traveler’s estimates place his arrival date to be sometime in the late 24th century.

The problem for Merryweather has been his lack of an actual time machine.
“We wanted to get our hands on a DeLorean, like the one in ‘Back to the Future’,” said James “Jimbo” Roberts, Merryweather’s roommate and Time Travel Advisor.  “That thing kicked ass.  But then we realized that they didn’t make them anymore.  So we figured he could just sleep till then.”  Merryweather’s ability to sleep for long periods of time has made him a legend among his roommates, and they feel that a few hundred years should be no problem.

“I’ve seen Brandon sleep for, like, 20 hours at a time,” said ex-girlfriend
Sarah Baum. “Of course, that was after about a case of Milwaukee’s Best.  I don’t know what he’s going to have to do to go for 400 years.”  Although there have been many vocal skeptics in the scientific community, Merryweather’s time travel plan is right onschedule and should commence after he polishes off a bottle of Majorska Vodka later this
evening.



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